The side of writing that no one talks about.
I am a Science Fiction and Fantasy Author. I love the pen, and the pen loves me. I love the keyboard, and the keyboard loves me.
Writing is awesome, yes. But writing can also be quite jarring. With each character comes complexes. Some of those complexes are mirrors to you. Writing is like being forced to sit down and look at your shadow for ours.
When you are world building, you are operating in the 4th dimensional. You just know automatically why everything is the way it is, and how everything is connected. Knowing is easy, it’s the putting down on paper that’s absolutely dreadful. When you are required to express 4th dimensional ideas in 3rd dimensional ways. Certain words just cannot express certain things. Hence, the writer looks deep within and must find unique ways to build a world with only the 26 letters of the alphabet.
When I write, I feel bits of my soul leaving my body and going into the story. Each story I write is like a dementor (from Harry Potter). They suck everything out of me until I am left quite empty, with quite little to pour into others.
When I get in the flow, I can’t stop. But when I am not in the flow, I find it hard to start.
When I write I am absolutely happy. But there is also an ever gnawing awareness of the world outside me. And then…one of the most dreaded aspects. Feeling like I am missing out on life because of my writing.
It’s no wonder many an artist has gone absolutely bonkers.
Something that was supposed to be a source of happiness slowly morphs into a shinigami. When you’re socializing you realize that you must write. When you sleep, when you eat, when you travel, when you study for your masters; All these feel like wasted hours when you are a writer.
The entire world seems like a distraction, trying to keep you away from the gem you want to create.
This gem, however soul sucking it may be, is a horrocrux. For, as it sucks out bits of my soul, I am immortalized. The dancing star that I give birth to, lives on for ages, and goes on to be one of this century’s defining literary works. No matter what anyone says, or does.
Keren Obara 2023.
