The practice of self-acceptance. Written by Keren Obara.
There comes a time in every young woman’s life when she must decide whether she will continue to hate and run from herself, or whether she will love and accept herself wholly, with all her flaws and imperfections.
The latter is where I find myself.
You see, for years I was always running, always trying to be something, prove something, do something. I never once rested comfortably. It was always, this has to be done, that has to be done, I have to be this (or else something bad will happen), I have to be that (or else someone will see me as something I am not). I never once got to rest as Keren.
It was always constant running, achieving, more, more, and more. I get a BA, that’s not enough, get an MSc, then apply for a PHD. At the same time, climb the corporate ladder, wear a suit like a man. Work out, practice martial arts, have a perfect physique, perfect hair, perfect skin. Be in a relationship (that should eventually lead to marriage), write and finish the Cyber Core Cinematic Universe Books. Plan my finances, have it all figured out by 30 years old.
And still, with all this, I still feel awful. I still feel stuck, dreaded, as though nothing I could ever do will ever be enough.
My dad once communicated to me that during the time when I was constantly having bipolar outbursts, he would pray to God and say ‘Dear God, please help my daughter see who she is, and how much she has achieved at a young age. She’s only seeing herself through the lens of people who do not matter.”
There is a whirlwind, Plethora of waves that govern this world. It is incredibly easy to get lost in them. Women are this, men are this. Black people are this, this type of person is this way.
It is important, especially for young women, to cultivate the inner voice that lets them know exactly who they are and what their strengths really are. It is important to see one’s emotions as guidance systems, and not as inconviniences.
Living in the modern world as a woman is difficult, not because of oppression or the flaws of the past, but because of the fact that we have to uphold masculine ideals, while having to also embody our innate feminine energy.
Keren Obara 2023.
