Indifference- A karmic lesson every woman must learn.
Diogenes simply didn’t care. And therefore, nothing could affect him.
I have found that when I attach less importance to someone’s attitude towards me, I am able to see clearly and grow according to who I am supposed to be. Also, if someone shows a bad attitude towards me, I cancel them out and go my way.
What does cancelling them out do for me? It frees me. I know that this person already made up their minds about me, so any attempt to change them is futile. I have found that giving up on people is one of the most freeing things in this world. For, when you give up on a person, you feel lighter, and have more energy to direct towards the square of life.
From a stoic perspective, when you distance yourself from someone who doesn’t align with your values, the outcome results in the overall well-being of both parties involved.
When two individuals grow at a healthy distance, without attaching too much to each other, this breeds interpersonal success. When one attaches too much to another, the separation is painful. Practice healthy boundaries for better friendships and relationships.
Our attachment to specific outcomes leads to emotional distress, getting us to act in ways of sabotage. This is a human weakness, of course. Even I have been guilty of this. But, when we free ourselves of expectations, life becomes so much easier.
Example: If you wore a nice suit today, and you didn’t expect any compliments, your day goes by well, despite whether or not you got compliments. At the end of the day, you wore your suit that aligns with who you are, took nice pictures, and went about your day, minding your own business.
However, if you wore a nice suit and expected people to notice you and tell you how good you looked, what happens when they forget to do that….that’s right, pain. Pain that leads to you seeking more validation. Hence, placing them on a pedestal.
How do you reverse this process? Take time. Sleep if you have to. Make peace with yourself and be comfortable in who you are. Know who you are, and stick to your values. Work on your dancing stars, the constellations that are you.
Then, let go. Accept the fact that no matter what you do, people will forget and move on with their lives. This is painful indeed. Especially for women. After all, we women do everything for validation. Women are so thirsty for validation from men and from each other (this is the truth, even though you lot try to deny it). And we compete with each other for validation. This is a disease. It eats away at each woman’s soul, until the entire gender is ridden with low self esteem. Then we wonder why men seldom respect us.
Ladies, make up your minds- Florence Scovel Shinn.
Validation is not bad. However, we can do it in a strategic way.
List down people who matter, and make it an effort to make them proud. They could be people in your family, they could be mentors, they could even be your child.
Aside from this, have a full life away from people. Have hobbies, go to the gym, have things you are building, travel, meet new people, try new things, learn new skills, take new courses.
This gives a rich inner validation at the core. Such that you will not have to make other people responsible for reassuring you. You can learn a lot from men.
Women, it’s time to grow up. A victim complex and need for reassurance will be your downfall.
Do you know who needs the most reassurance? A child. How will you be able to give a child reassurance if you are unable to give it to yourself?
The world is changing. If you present yourself as a woman incapable of controlling her insecurities, and constantly tries to tear others down, you will be shunned. People will just leave you alone, to protect their peace.
I believe that in this generation, a different kind of woman will emerge. This is necessary for the advancement of humanity. After all, it is we who will raise the next generation. If we don’t get our shit straight, the same old patterns will repeat.
I don’t know about you lot, but I’m all about holding myself accountable and growing. If you all choose to stick ti your vices, that will be your own detriment. You will not tear anyone down, except yourself.
Keren Obara 2023
